Higurashi Facts
by Anime Borat
Summary: Be prepared for insanity that would take hold on you forever. Parody of Chuck Norris facts.


**Higurashi Facts**

By Anime Borat

**Oneshot based on two comments and a video I watched in YouTube: Higurashi OST – Yuttari. Rate and review. And for you Haruhi-Higurashi fans don't forget to read Kyon! Do Everything!  
**

_Fact #1: Children, especially little boys, check their closets for the Bogeyman._

Little Jimmy was going to bed one night when something horrible burst out of his closet: the Bogeyman.

"Hello, Little Jimmy," said the Bogeyman menacingly staring at him.

"AAAARRRGGHHH!" screamed the boy.

He then asked frightened, "What are you here for?"

"You look kinda cute. I'm here to rock some ass!" He laughed excitedly. The boy screamed as the monster jumped into his bed, "Here's Mr. Bogey!"

And Little Jimmy was permanently scarred for life.

_Fact #2: The Bogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris._

The bogeyman was retiring to bed from a night out with innocent young boys when he wisely checked his closet. Nothing inside it that looks scary. He sighed in relief when the window went _CRASH! _

Something red and manly broke through the window. The Bogeyman crapped his pants when he saw the entity face to face: Chuck Norris!

"Oh my God! Chuck Norris!" The monster screamed, "What are you doing here!"

"I'm Chuck Norris and I have no reason." He replied then roundhouse kicked him to Chris Hansen's talk show.

He landed on the middle of the show just when he was interviewing a German boy-lover who just ate a cyanide candy out of desperation. Upon noticing this, Chris Hansen said to Mr. Bogey, "Why don't you take a seat over there?"

The Bogeyman screamed, "NOOO!" And promptly scratched his throat out of sheer desperation.

_Fact # 3: Chuck Norris checks his closet for Shion Sonozaki._

Just another boring night watching Bruce Lee flicks when Chuck Norris decided to check his closet if there anymore awesome movies. He did but instead of DVDs he found Shion Sonozaki with knife and stun gun in hand.

"What are you doing here, little lady?" He asked.

"You'll pay for what you did to Satoshi-kun!" She cried insanely.

"I don't remember a roundhouse kicking a Satoshi..." Said Chuck. Then he recalled, "Oh yeah, I do. That blond boy I kicked on the nuts." He broked the endless June of Showa 58 by killing Takano Miyo using Satoshi as a kickball, knocking her out of reality and rearranging the pieces of the original world in no time leaving out the Takano Miyo piece - but losing the Satoshi piece in the process. He did this because Endless June is stalling production for _Missing in Action_ for over a millenia and he got pissed of it. And rules of Frederica Bernkastel included an unwritten rule: Rules X, Y and Z _never_ APPLY to Chuck Norris!

"Don't worry, Miss Sonozaki. I'm pretty sure there are more blonde bishie boys out there that would replace him," Norris reassured her.

"But Satoshi is one of a kind! I must have him back! I'm getting tired of killing Satoko out frustration over and over again!"

"Too bad, ma'am 'cause today is my Martial Arts Movie Marathon!"

Pissed, she fried his crotch knocking him unconscious. Then she dragged him to her Happy Fun Time Underground Torture Chamber where he electrocuted him, stabbed him several times, fed him to sharks and piranhas, pour hot boiling steel on him, exposed him to nuclear radiation, forced him to drink sulphuric acid mixed with sharp steel shards and sent Iraqi men to molest him but to no avail. Those nasty men exploded when he said 'Bang!' and he didn't cry but he screamed Solid Snake's death scream. And he didn't bleed either because Chuck Norris doesn't need blood and the wounds only gave out the acid he drunk. And for the first time ever, Chuck Norris died... peacefully with a smile on his face. Shion let out a bloodcurdling laugh.

_Fact # 4: Shion Sonozaki checks her closet for Jirou Tomitake_

Frustrated, she retired to bed when checked her closet. Lo and behold!

"TOMITAKE FLASH!"

"AAAAHHH!" She found the bespectacled Jirou Tomitake wearing his baseball cap... and the skimpiest Speedo she ever saw with a zebra print, revealing his chiseled body.

"Hey Shion. See me rip and flex my muscles!" Shion nearly got a nosebleed and her eyes burned after seeing too much manliness for her psychosis to handle. She tried stabbing him in the chest.

"Go away from me, bird watcher!"

_CHUNK!_

"Ouch, that tickles," Tomitake snickered.

She looked at the knife with disbelief as the blade was bent completely out of shape instantly. She tried the nail-and-hammer-on-the-head-technique but the nail turned to dust. She tried bashing his head with the hammer but it broke to pieces! She screamed as she grabbed her hair, insanity settling in and lying on the floor as Jirou gyrated to The Village People's _Macho Man_.

**Now those are facts!**

Additional fact: When Chuck Norris was infected with the Hinamizawa Syndrome, he immediately went to Level 5 and won the War of Terror decisively and brought Osama Bin Laden to justice - Rena and Keiichi justice; solved America's monetary problem; brought peace to the Middle East - with one roundhouse kick, and defeated the Lich King. And he didn't scratched his throat or saw maggots crawled out of him, he merely complained he had a headache and farted. The maggots were saw afraid of him that they simply ceased to exist.


End file.
